Can you feel my heart breaking?


Can you see the jagged lines running all the way down to the core? Can you hear it falling apart? Can you not feel the gush of warm blood, spurting out from the depths of my soul?

So this is what you get when you trust too much.

So this is what you get when you give your all.

So this is what you get when you're have no choice but to bear with it all.

So this is what you get.

You lie.

I've said so many times before. I am exceptionally sharp when it comes to this kind of things. I see, I hear, and I pick up and piece together a lot more than you'll ever guess.

They told me so much. I feel that it's true. You cannot put down your memories for me. Maybe one day when I become a memory then will you cherish me.

I was never more than company for you until I proved my worth. I was never more than company for you until you removed her ring. That ring happen to be lying prominently on your table. Do you think I would not notice?

You never needed to prove anything for me love you. Wouldn't that sound unfair if it happened to you?

They say that any guy who meets up with his ex definately has feelings for her. They say that any guy who cannot put down his memories knowing that they hurt is just not over his past. They tell me to let go as soon as I could, because any guy who does it twice can definately do it the third time.

Do you think I would not have heard the phone call? Do you think I would not have picked up the lie? Do you think you can insult my intelligence by giving me outright lies?

Any lie, no matter how small, no matter how "white", is still a lie. How can I entrust my future to you if I don't trust you?

They said you were a waste of my time. You don't know how many times you drove me to the brink of depression.

Why can't I let this go now? Why?

Maybe I know. Maybe it's because you've not let go too.

As long as your cherished memories are there, so will my sorrow stay.

Thanks for making me lose faith in humanity.

Muahahaha. Bite me.

No wait, I can explain. I'm waiting for a couple more photos of relevant things that I want to post in here, that's why the absence. I promise, it'll be good.

Just you wait.

Argh.


Bibi's going to drive me crazy anytime soon. She loves biting things so much it's kinda getting annoying.

Anyway, not much's happened recently but I simply HAVE to blog about this, or I will explode.

The other day on the road back from Bikeworks, right before the right turn into Yishun ave 1, a silver car with three aunties inside was beside me. One of the rolled down her window and all three hollared (because of my loud exhaust I can't hear properly) out "Xiao jie, ni hao bang! (Miss, you're awesome!)"

It was simply exhilerating! Maybe those aunties haven't seen other girls on bikes before.

And to top it off, Lazychoo was telling a couple of friends how the 'busa owner who lives in his block was telling him "You know hor, sometimes there will be a yellow Mito parked under our block leh." To which Lazychoo replied "That's my girlfriend's bike leh.." And the 'busa owner would be like, wah! Girlfriend so good ar?

So you see, riding is actually a good thing.

I dropped my bike last night, by the way. It was almost stationary, and I tried to soften the drop as much as possible (which explains the bruises all along my left leg this morning) so nothing bad came out of it. Lesson learnt: never put anything bulky (i.e. a small torchlight) anywhere near your steering damper. It will cause the handle to lock.

But anyways..

Hey.


Happy Half-Year Mark.

Thanks for forgetting.

First lady riders outing ever




... consisting of 4 girls, one of which who was totally not in the group (not in the picture either, she came late). She and her boyfriend came, went to West Coast Mac with us, ate and left. Hmm.



But hey, we had fun. Met a few more people who followed the wrong bikes (read: us) and ended up at where we were. Didn't get to know their names but they're all from the SBF phantom knights section.



Heh.

My Lazychoo got his new bike today. He downgraded from a Super4 to a Honda Wave.



Boy does he need a haircut.

Bad move of the day: going over to wildcat and peabrain rider's side to talk to them, bringing them over, and telling me after they left "you know who that is? you good friend *peabrain rider*!". I could've socked him. (note: for more info about peabrain rider, refer to post made on 14th March.)

Anyway, overall it was quite a fun day, so we're planning one more next week, with a couple more lady riders.

Ta-dum!

Here's to Lawrence:


An entire post dedicated to kissing girls.




You bleddy owe me something. It wasn't easy finding non-slutty pictures of girls kissing girls, you wouldn't believe how much slut junk I had to go through to bring you these.







And two of my favourites:





And no, I am not a pedophile.

I'm a foster mummy again!




Her name is Bibi, and she's playful as hell.

My first impression of her is "what a sad, sad dog!", because she looked so sad and timid when we were at her previous fosterer's house. But when she came to my house and met Tracy, she went mad.



She jumped on Tracy a couple of times, much to Tracy's displeasure, and tried to avoid getting back into the playpen as much as possible. She's partially toilet trained, which is a good thing, and erm.. where is she now? *turns her head to look* ah there. She's Hiding underneath the coffee table.



Evil me just ordered a Mcdonald's delivery service, let's see how she reacts when someone knocks on the door.

She'll be with me until potential adopters come forward. Which brings me to this point:

Bibi the puppy

Status: For Adoption
Breed: Mongrel
Name: Bibi (doesn't really respond so you can change it)
Age: 2-3mths
Gender: Female
Sterilisation: Not Ready Yet
Good with Children: Yes
Good with Dogs: Yes , loves to play with my dog.
Dog's Temperament: Gentle, Friendly. Playful.
Ideal Owner: Someone who can take care of a fragile puppy. I think she needs 3-4 times daily feeding ( dry food soaked in milk) .
Other information: Smart girl, doing well in paper training. Currently very small size (like a toy breed puppy, 2 kg). Just got her first vaccination.
Member putting up this adoption notice: Rescuer ( tel : 97345774)
Contact: I have requested Meng of k9love ( tel 66650600 or email k9love@singnet.com.sg) to handle her adoption.
Adoption Fee: Donation to k9love.
Note: New owner to follow terms and condition of k9love ( www.k9love.org).

Bibi is also looking for a foster home currently. If u can help, e-mail me at rukawa_4eva@yahoo.com.sg

Found this in a friend's blog. Interesting and true.

It's not difficult to make a woman happy. A man only needs to be:
1. a friend
2. a companion
3. a lover
4. a brother
5. a father
6. a master
7. a chef
8. an electrician
9. a carpenter
10. a plumber
11. a mechanic
12. a decorator
13. a stylist
14. a sexologist
15. a gynecologist
16. a psychologist
17. a pest exterminator
18. a psychiatrist
19. a healer
20. a good listener
21. an organizer
22. a good father
23. very clean
24. sympathetic
25. athletic
26. warm
27. attentive
28. gallant
29. intelligent
30. funny
31. creative
32. tender
33. strong
34. understanding
35. tolerant
36. prudent
37. ambitious
38. capable
39. courageous
40. determined
41. true
42. dependable
43. passionate
44. compassionate

WITHOUT FORGETTING TO:
45. give her compliments regularly
46. love shopping
47. be honest
48. be very rich
49. not stress her out
50. not look at other girls

AND AT THE SAME TIME, YOU MUST ALSO:
51. give her lots of attention, but expect little yourself
52. give her lots of time, especially time for herself
53. give her lots of space, never worrying about where she goes

IT IS VERY IMPORTANT:
54. Never to forget: * birthdays * anniversaries * arrangements she makes

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

HOW TO MAKE A MAN HAPPY
1. Show up naked
2. Bring food and beer
3. Hand over the remote.

From the sick, sick minds of sick, sick people --> http://www.squidge.org/~peja/bugsbunny/slash.htm

And oh my fooking goodness they ARE ugly --> http://www.fundumper.com/weird/sphynx-worlds-ugliest-cat.htm

Another day of nothing to do online, nothing to do offline, and nothing to do in general so I guess I could afford a little space here to irritate people.

ARGH! For once, I can't find the mood to irritate people. Darn.

Cash is now sleeping beside me, right leg up and snoozing away. How does he do that without falling off? Maybe I should try poking his other leg and risk having my eyes gouged out. He has a sharp beak you know.

Oh, for those of you not in the know (never read my old posts right), Cash is an African Grey -->



Since that photo, Cash has destroyed his ladder, his wooden toy and even his bell. His cage layout has changed somewhat, but it's roughly the same. *update* No, Cash is NOT the same size as the two little monsters below. Try five times bigger.

These two little monsters -->



Are running around on the floor chasing each other and my dog. That picture was taken right before Mika (the green one) found out thatPeaches (the yellow one) was also male, afterwhich he proceeded to murder him for cheating him of his first kiss.

And through all this my dog Tracy -->



Has been sleeping all throughout. On my lap nonetheless. I can feel my right leg devioding itself of blood. Nice.

I usually let them all out when I'm alone at home. It's like a madhouse here. Care to come for a visit? I promise Cash won't bike (just don't go too near him), but I can't promise Mika won't.

*grins*

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I chose who I chose and I don't regret it.

Even though browsing through a couple of girlfriend's blogs leaves me green with envy, I still don't regret.

Maybe I shouldn't read ladies' blogs anymore. I've stopped reading and watching romance already because they turn me green as well.

Ah well. I'm happy enough without it.

I got lost today.


Wandered around the expressways, holland road, clementi and many other smaller, unremembered roads. I rode for almost 2 hours before finding the destination, Albert Motors where Lazychoo was to put my name in as a sub-rider for his new bike.

I was perilously close to getting into an accident 4 times, got horn-ed at for god-knows-how-many times, ran out of petrol once and had to practically pedal the rest of the way to the nearest station, almost getting mauled by a bus enroute.

And to top this all off, I was cramping. PMS mode: on.

Wasn't feeling my best when I saw Lazychoo(who was late), and my temper flared. He almost lost his patience with me, but tried to cool me down all the same.

After he did all the whatnots that he had to do to get the bike transferred, we headed back to Yishun to get some dog food.

On the road. Riding back. A tear fell down my cheek, followed swiftly by the other.

I didn't know why I was crying, it just happened without reason. Maybe I felt that I wouldn't have had to take all these had I chose to be a brainless bimbo who's ok with relying on others. But I'm not. I have a brain, and I am independant. Even if it means getting lost for more than an hour, I stay independant.

I wiped those tears away with a gloved hand, but they kept coming. As we reached a red traffic light, I turn my face away from Lazychoo. I didn't want to have to explain something I didn't know the reason to.

"Darling."

"..."

"Wei, darling."

I looked at him with eyes still moist and face still wet.

"You know hor, you shouldn't be riding like that... blah blah blah"

"...."

He didn't notice the shiny trails left by the tears from the window of my soul.

And I smiled a hollow smile. This is Lazychoo for you.

Met up with a couple of Kawa-ians, Aprilians and WLNY-ians, plus some people in the SBF forums at Yishun Dam later on.

Painted the wordings on my front tyre white. Almost broke my back doing that.

People came, people left.

Maybe that's the way life's gonna be for quite some time for now.

I had thought she'd be the image I wanted to look up to.

Then my defences came crashing down.

Inside of every single independant woman lives a young girl, waiting at the window for her prince.

Waiting, and waiting, and waiting.. but her prince never came. He never does.

He just tears at her voraciously, leaving gaping wounds here and there.

"In fact, I was never even sure you cared" Maybe this happens to us, the weaker sex, of all ages. No matter how independant we are. No matter how agressive we make ourselves out to be.

Maybe the self-doubt will always be there, permenant, irreplacable.

"You broke my heart but never shattered it completely. And that is the cruelest thing to do to somebody. It broke it into one thousand parts. So that piece by piece it flaked off. Like bad paint off a humid Hong Kong wall. Carrying off fragments of the hopeful, optimistic me that you once knew and cared about."

My role model, a lady of strength and independance, has diminished to a fragile weeping girl with one single SMS.

You're better off not reading this. Trust me.


It's all just random thoughts which you'd probably not make head or tail of.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Remember the time I said my need for independance was greater than my desire to rely?

Well, reality grabbed me by the hair, slapped me in the face and spat at me.

"You want independance? You got independance. Is not this what you desired? To be treated as an equal and not as a weaker sex? Face up to your own problems then! Stop your fucking whining!"



It slapped me some more, and the next few lines are the most hurtful.

"You are alone. You have no one to pay attention to your failures, your successes, your hard work and your triumphs. You work for yourself, what ever that happens to you, that has happened to you, are all of your own making, your own fault."

I make my own future. I make whatever good or bad that comes my way. And only I can solve them.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

We used to love wine. A candlelit dinner. Crystal glasses.



A ring.

No. I cannot.

I let you down. I guess its better things got this way.

How have you been?

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

On a considerably lighter note, the one whom I trust the most has made friends with an old enemy of mine. Like WTF? That nao hiah (actually I don't know what nao hiah means, it just came to me out of the blue) once liased with another evil backstabber to shoot me to the point where humiliation becomes an understatement, and you're making friends with him?

And expecting me to make friends with him as well?

*Pui!*

I make friends with this weener-for-brains, I get bad luck for 7 years. With additional accidents here and there on the road. Not to mention every single 4D bet going to waste.



Yuck.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Hello Ting.



Get more of her at http://joewei.blogspot.com/

Heads up!

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I remembered my past.

I hated my past.

I only looked to the future.

And looking back now only brought a nauseating sense of distaste.

What have I done with my past? Why don't I remember?

Are you from my past?



--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------


People put bandages on their wounds. They put medication, stitches, disinfectant, the works. And its a surefire way to get well.

What about our wounds inside?

Can they ever heal?

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

For the love of a big fat pigeon..

Stop thinking so much.

New skin is up again - or should I say old? Long-time followers of my blog would know that I've used this skin before, so why am I using it again now?

Well for one, the archive section in my previous skin had a bug, and I couldn't find any way to fix it, so I might as well change the entire skin. And two, since I've been uploading more photos than I meant to when I changed that blog skin, I might as well revert back to a skin where I can upload bigger photos instead of the puny ones I had to squeeze into that old skin.

And last but not least, I was too lazy to go source for yet another new skin.

Anyway, I found these online and thought they might cheer you up. Whoever you may be.

Like what the...?



Cute = furry and chubby.



Not to mention sheepish.



Aawww...



*In the Godfather voice* Whatchu lookin' at?



A really, REALLY happy puppy



You might not believe it, but this they're actually siblings. Makes one wonder who the mother's been sleeping with.



Shaddap!



*Slurp* Tastes great, aye?



If this isn't cute I don't know what is.



Trust me, those bears are real.



And ta-da! I caught you swimming! So this is what you do when you're not camping in front of the computer.

It's been like.. almost two weeks since I last blogged. Wow.

The effect of passing TP and having the most awesome class 2B bike can really drag you away from quality time spent with the computer.

Oh, and by the way, I resigned from my job. No particular reason, I just got sick of facing the computer and doing the same thing over and over again for 8 hours a day.

Anyway, erm.. what happened during this period of time/lapse in blogging? Oh right, the Italian Meetup.

I didn't really count how many bikes there were, but judging from the name list I'd say it was somewhere in the thirtyish area.

Pictures!

Brothers to the left!



Brothers to the right! (inclusive of the bike of yours truly)



Arranging of the bikes to get them all in one perfect picture :-



Nice, eh?



And here's a difference between my 2.6k 6-year-old baby (left) to someone else's 12k bike which is less than a year old (right).



The engine sounds different, his bike looks newer, the clutch and gears run smoother and that's about it. To tell you the truth I think mine has more power, and I like it that way.

No I'm not jealous.

Straight after the Italian meetup was my sister's 21st birthday BBQ/steamboat at Yishun Dam.

The birthday girl and me (she's gonna kill me for uploading her photos online, but what the heck, she ate my ICE CREAM!)



Our friends were all thrown on the floor chatting away..



While the BBQ area was constantly occupied by people stealing food off the grill *oei, not cooked yet!*



This is my favourite picture of all, my boyfriend and my best friend, not to mention FOOD.



The birthday girl with a cousin of ours (no, he's not that short, its just that he half-squatted to suit our height because the camera couldn't get his head in if he stood straight).



Here's the three of us trying to act hiao like we used to when we were young..



Here's a comparison:



Cute eh? Except that we were all positions in the wrong places, it's been so long we couldn't remember who sat where!

This is the Tan family monster:



This is Mom's interpretation of the Tan family monster:



This is my interpretation of him:



Group photo (of those who were early)!



A really sweet picture of me with my Lazychoo.



And an awesome group photo with the people I've been hanging out recently.

Work's been great, getting better as I go along (even though I've skiving right now to post this). Getting the hang of things more easily now. I've pasted photos of my pets, a couple of bikes and an old WLNY group photo taken at the dam. At least every day when I get really annoyed with the moronic customers I have something to smile to.

Learnt a few things from my work place too. I've learnt that no matter what happens, work still has to go on. I've also learnt that mandarin oranges left over from Chinese new year produces fruit flies when left on the table (you should see the state of our inner office, nobody dares to stay too long inside anymore). And that when you eat and work at the same time you get indigestion. Not to mention how moronic office workers can be.

I suddenly had this vision of picking up the phone, calling the customer service hotlines of the shipping companies and hearing his voice on the line. He used to study mass comm when he was in poly. Although he chose the F&B line to advance his career, it ended when our place closed down. I don't know where he is now, and I don't want to find out.

I don't want to hear his voice on the other line.

Aye, stop wondering who lah. I will not talk about him, ever again. I've moved on long ago.

Anyway, most of you know that I've already started riding right? Only after I started handling my own bike that I realized there is a deep desire for reliance. But then, after thinking for awhile, I found out that my desire for independance overcomes the desire to rely. I cannot rely too much on Lazychoo, he's got his own problems to face. I'm facing my own. The occasional help would be nice, but I guess it's up to me to make things right.

Which brings me to this subject: I have a newfound religion! Well, not actually newfound, but I've had it in me all this while, it's just that I've never really spent much time to think in-depth about it.

My religion = Me.

Only I can make things happen. Only I can make things right. When good things come, I accept then with a smile. When bad things come, I grin and try to make the best of it. There's no such thing as fate, or karma or anything. I strongly believe in having morals and being true to your conscience.

When i want something, I don't pray. If I want it bad enough, I take action to get it, instead of useless praying. If I get it, oh yay, if I don't, life goes on the same way as it is, so I don't really lose out on anything. Even if I did lose out on something, it is within my power to either get it back or shrug it off and continue with life.

The power is in me. The same power is in you too. Make your life a ride worthwhile.

When life hands you lemons, you.. squeeze the hell out of them and throw it back at the person who dumped them on you.

Motivational moment aside, life with Lazychoo's getting better and better. Maybe this seems small, but we're hitting the half-year mark soon. It means something to me, even though it might not seem much to anyone else, because I hadn't realized that until yesterday, when it hit me out of the blue.

Time's passing so fast.. Could we all just spare a moment to count our blessings?