Have taken out stuff about ah yang korkor because this blog is supposed to be ENTERTAINING. They can still be viewed at yet another blog, http://ahyangz.blogspot.com/ , so peeps who knew ah yang korkor can go have a look.


‘neways, this blog is for you, kenny.


Look what I found!





She was running away from a police officer





because she poked a fat lady at the bus stop with her quills. The fat lady scolded her and she poked her again. The fat lady got angry and asked her husband, who is a police officer, to come catch her and sell to karang guni.

He chase chase chase until they reach Africa. Then they saw this horny guy:





And the police guy told the caribou to help him chase my pet. The caribou searched high and low;





And then got tired, so he went to watch some cow porno





My pet was free! She hitchhiked in the pumpkin basket of this dog





And came back to Singapore. She landed at the esplanade, and the first thing she saw was :





Chang and Eng.


*end of story*

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Back to some good old men bashing jokes –


Women:

Women are honest, loyal, and forgiving. They are smart; knowing that knowledge is power. But they still know how to use their softer side to make a point. Women want to be the best for their family, their friends, and themselves. Their hearts break when a friend dies. They have sorrow at the loss of a family member, yet they are strong when they think there is no strength left. A woman can make a romantic evening unforgettable. Women come in all sizes, in all colors and shapes. They live in homes, apartments and cabins. They drive, fly, walk, run or e-mail you to show how much they care about you. The heart of a woman is what makes the world spin! Women do more than just give birth. They bring joy and hope. They give compassion and ideals. They give moral support to their family and friends. And all they want back is a hug, a smile and for you to do the same to people you come in contact with.

Men:

Men are good at lifting heavy stuff and fixing shit.


------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

my buTT!





And finally..

*drumroll*

The most recent pic of the crazy Tans on their kusu island trip!

Currently playing the new cd, 神的孩子都在跳舞, by Mayday a.k.a 五月天.





Got this a couple of days ago at HMV citylink. There was this ang moh in front of me at the line, and he turned to smile at me when I got behind him. Then he turned back to the cashier because she was so desperately trying to get his attention that she was showing all her teeth in an effort to smile as brightly as possible. She looked like she was snarling.

"Here you are sir," she said cheerfully, looking so excited she might pee her pants anytime, "your receipt and purchase. Hope you had a pleasant time!"

And as I moved forward to the counter, she went "bye sir! bye!" and waved so frantically at him that she almost fell over, as though I was invisible. When her attention fell me her smile evaporated and was replaced by a bored look. She picked up my purchase and scanned the barcode, looking so bored that she could just fall asleep.

"Twenty-ninety" she mumbled curtly in a bored voice.

As I made my purchase and was stuffing the change into my wallet, I could've sworn she was whistling and staring her fingers as if she'd like nothing better than to ignore all the customers who were locals.

Patronizing little bitch.

The difference in her attitude was so extreme, it left me so traumatized that I had to be warded for psychiatric breakdown. I kept screaming ANG MO ANG MO ANG MO all the time that my dog had to sit on my head to calm me down.

I'm ok now, except for pouring a bucket of green paint on an ang mo walking past downstairs just now.


When I brought the cd home, I noticed this on the cover





And you know what? I'm going for it.


Anyways, I've just visited the official mayday website, www.imayday.com and it was wayyyyy cool. Go visit it sometime. And in case you’re some hillbilly who doesn’t even know who they are..





And for those of you who don't know what their positions are in the band..






That ah Xin's got a way with using his voice in a very mesmerizing way when he croons to the few ballads in all mayday's albums. Not to mention the fact that I almost cried when I listened to the new edited Wen Rou. *blush*



Sometimes when I have bad hair days, I sigh and think of this verse;
For every bad hair day that I have,
Somebody else has it worse! HAHA!!



"see what see!?"

This entry’s gonna be crappy, cuz’ I really have no more ideas for stories… some help please?

Today’s crappy article:

In the past years, cats were afraid of dogs. Dogs were supposed to chase cats up the tree while the cats in question waited until someone kind rescues them from the tree. But in today’s world, radical changes have been found.


Cats were sighted not only ignoring warning signs, but pulling them down as well.





And due to some pathological fear of cats, dogs were spotted jumping on top of anything nearby in order to escape the menace of the cat




A whole row of police dogs were also sighted cowering in fear when a particularly fearsome cat waddled past.





Cats have also been so bold as to… as to… *ahem* just look at the next picture




This pic says it all.


Dogs, who have been man’s best friend since domestication,





are now being persecuted





Cats are forever freed.





While dogs are carted off to concentration camps





*end of crappy article*



For your information, I do not like cats more than dogs. I like all animals the same, well, maybe I favor wolves, but I treat them with probably more respect than I have for humans *sticks tongue out* because they have every right to exist as us.


*animal lover*


Anyways, this is how I felt today





Because I saw the girlfriend





Of this bloody lucky bastard





They must be having fun every night. I mean, all he has to do is just to lie between two poles!

NOTE: I have shifted all my emo shit to this other blog i have, http://tjazmania.blogspot.com/ so if you're up to reading boring emo shit about me, feel free to visit (",) *note that because I am a terribly busy person, that site will still be under construction for a few days*

I have also changed the skin of this blog because the previous one had errors in it, which meant I had to edited my posts directly into the templates. Isn't this better? *drools over mayday*

Back to today's article:

According to a recent survey, more people prefer marine fishes over tropical fishes. In fact, some radical fish lovers are going to the extremes:





Isn't he sweet? Bet his father can't find him now! *evil snicker*


Anyway, my cat had a bad hair day today.







So I told her she needed a bath. And she look pitifully at me







I told her it was no use, she was still going to take a bath whether she liked it or not. Then she gave me this face:







and started to run. I asked my pet monkey to catch her







But she got away again. She went hiding, but I found her alright.







my monkey was then having his banana so I asked my dog to catch her







and he did. So I gave her a bath and hung her up to dry.







My other cat thought this was funny, so he started to laugh:







So I got Gene Simmons to scare him, and he started to cry:







by this time my cat had already dried, so she started putting on makeup to look pretty







and got all dirty again because she mistook my lipstick as a foundation *she's a cat remember? she doesn't know anything about makeups, much less what they're for* and got all dirty again. I got fed-up with chasing her around and giving her baths so I...










>>>









>>>









>>>









>>>












...shaved her. MUAHAHAHAHA~!~!! *I'm a sick little girl, yes I am*


*For your information, I do not own a cat. The above story was fabricated out of curiosity as to what my mind can get up to when bored. Hopefully, some stranger guy will think "wow! she's so talented!" and message me for copyrights.*

To you I am, and always will be, a second choice. A spare tyre you turn to only when you couldn’t get your true love. I will always be the alternative one, wanted only because of my body. Starting to hate men.

Been reading men bashing jokes again. Look:


Scientific Study: What Women Want

A study in London showed that the kind of "male face" a woman finds attractive can differ depending on where a woman is in her menstrual cycle. For instance, if she is ovulating, she is attracted to men with rugged, masculine features, and if she is menstruating, she is more prone to be attracted to a man with a heavy pair of scissors shoved in his forehead.

Go for younger men. You might as well - they never mature anyway.


Yes, I believe that. If you’re not happy with it, prove me wrong then.

On a happier note, I have recently found enough evidence to suspect that THERE ARE ALIENS AMONG US! As they need to merge amongst us to find out how to destroy the human race, they have to first look like us.

Evidence 1:




A baby seated next to an alien disguised as a Buddha statue, who conveniently morphs into a convincing statue when it saw homo-sapiens (that’s humans to you) walking its way.

Evidence 2:




An alien starting to learn the art of disguising as humans. It starts with this baby who is left alone in his room for a moment while mommy’s cooking. It does a very persuasive impression but has yet to fool the baby’s mother herself.

Evidence 3:




The alien is getting better at cloning. It’s even got the blue eyes and expression of the baby right for once. Nobody knows when will the time come when they actually mistakes this alien being for their baby.

Evidence 4:



Seems that the alien has given up trying to clone a homo-sapien. Our complex characters have proven too difficult to be exactly like us. This alien in question has successfully morphed into a dog, and has been able to find out a little about humans from its mission. As they kill each other by sticking pins in each other’s rumps, this alien/dog absolutely refuses to go anywhere near the vet’s office.

Might be getting another dog in near future. Found this online



Isn’t she sweet? But no, I’m not going for small sweeties anymore. I’m going for this:



But I guess they only look like this in puppyhood. He’ll be huge and majestic when he grows up. And I shall name him silver.

*dreaming away*

And yes, I AM MEAN!!!

One day an evil witch took over the forest, ''One-by-one, all of you useless animals have to come up here and tell a joke... if everybody laughs, you will be spared... or else I'll cut off your head!''

The monkey went up first and told such a funny joke that all the animals laughed except for a tortoise.. so the witch cut off his head.

Next, a giraffe went up and she, in turn told a joke that set all the animals off laughing... but still, the tortoise did not laugh...so the witch cut off her head.

Then, the rabbit went up... but before she could say a word, the tortoise started laughing...

''Why are you laughing you stupid tortoise?'' the witch asked.

"The monkey's joke was very funny...'' was the reply.


you know what? some people are like this. courtesy of azly

Been reading some men bashing jokes, which are really quite good. Here's an example:

One day in the Garden of Eden, Eve calls out to God, "Lord, I have a problem!"
"What's the problem, Eve?"
"Lord, I know you've created me and have provided this beautiful garden and all of these wonderful animals, and that hilarious comedy snake, but I'm just not happy."
"Why is that, Eve?" came the reply from above.
"Lord, I am lonely. And I'm sick to death of apples."
"Well, Eve, in that case, I have a solution. I shall create a man for you."
"What's a 'man', Lord?"
"This man will be a flawed creature, with aggressive tendencies, an enormous ego and an inability to empathize or listen to you properly. All in all, he'll give you a hard time. But, he'll be bigger and faster and more muscular than you. He'll be really good at fighting and kicking a ball about and hunting fleet-footed ruminants, and not altogether bad in the sack."
"Sounds great," says Eve, with an ironically raised eyebrow.
"Yeah, well. He's better than a poke in the eye with a burnt stick. But, you can have him on one condition."
"What's that, Lord?"
"You'll have to let him believe that I made him first."

LMAO! Here another one:

After careful consideration and endless debate the perfect man has finally been named:



MR. POTATO HEAD!

He's tan! He's cute! He knows the importance of accessorizing.

And if he looks at another girl, you can rearrange his face


How to Impress a Woman Wine her, Dine her, Call her, Hug her,
Hold her, Surprise her, Compliment her, Smile at her,
Laugh with her, Cry with her, Cuddle with her, Shop with her,
Give her jewelry, Buy her flowers, Hold her hand, Write love letters to her,
Go to the end of the earth and back for her.

How to Impress a Man

Show up naked. Bring beer.


And here's my favourite:

Dogs spend all day sprawled on the most comfortable piece of furniture in the house.

They can hear a package of food opening half a block away, but don't hear you when you're in the same room.

They can look dumb and lovable all at the same time.

They growl when they are not happy.

When you want to play, they want to play.

When you want to be alone, they want to play.

They leave their toys everywhere.

They do disgusting things with their mouths and then try to give you a kiss.

They go right for your crotch as soon as they meet you.

Conclusion: They're tiny men in little fur coats.