Friday, December 18, 2009

All You Sons Of Bitches

I repeat - ALL you sons of bitches.

Go fuck yourselves.

I give, and give, and fucking give. I don't even know how to life for myself anymore, I've been living my life for all you sons of bitches all my life. And all you do is take, and take, and fucking take.

If I am dead inside, I wouldn't feel so. I wouldn't have the fiery pit within me envelop my whole being every time I am stepped upon.

I am angry. I am more than angry. I am murderous. I feel homicidal everytime you sons of bitches crush me under your feet for the sheer pleasure of it. I feel like holding a slugger in my hands and feeling the crack of your skull as I devour the pleasure it gives.

But I don't look so.

In the name of reason and normality I take it. I take it up the ass for you sons of bitches. I tolerate whatever shit you throw my way, simply for the fact that you might deserve another chance.

Might.

Listen up, all you sons of bitches. Listen good. Here's an example of why you shouldn't step on my tail too much.

There is only so much I can take. Not that it pleases me to tolerate. I boil over with anger and hurt every time someone steps on me, but for fucking peace's sake, I take it when you get up in my ass.

No seriously. Not anymore.

I'm not only going to stop being Little Miss Nice, I am going to be downright nasty when you step on my tail.

Don't say you've not been warned.

Wednesday, December 16, 2009

An Excerpt

"Having eyes but not seeing beauty;
having ears, but not hearing music;
having minds, but not perceiving truth;
having hearts that are never moved
and therefore never set on fire.
These are the things to fear, said the headmaster."

- Totto-chan, Tetsuko Kuroyanagi

Holy Shit Holy Shit Holy Shit

So I stayed up late one night watching TV after Lazy fell asleep playing with his PS3. At around 4am (yes, there is a 4am) some Korean show came on, about some tutor and some rebellious rich kid who stayed back 2 grades.

I don't usually watch Korean or Japanese films (unless its in the horror genre), but I was bored and too lazy to reach for the remote, so I ended up watching the whole show.

By the end of the show, I was swooning over the guy.

I.. kind of forgot what his name is. But HOLY SHIT is he HOT!

What the hell have I been missing?! How many more hunks speaking in different languages are there out there?

Hot damn, I want a piece of this! And his face is super cute too.

*drools*

Monday, November 30, 2009

Recommended Movie Of The Month

Since it is my off day today, I spent the day lazing around in bed watching TV. Wasn't feeling well at all too, my head feels like it's about to explode.

Anyway, I caught this movie on HBO Signature just now. I rarely give rave reviews for movies in the drama genre, but this one takes the bat. It's somewhere along the line of Johnny Depp's Neverland, with all its sensational artistic glory, but better.

Robin William's What Dreams May Come.

It's about a pediatric neurologist who, on the night of his "DD" anniversary, got hit by a out-of-control car while stopping to help a car crash victim on his way home.

The story revolves his life after death, and how he went to lengths to get his wife back from "hell" after he found out that she committed suicide not long after his death.

The show portrays a heaven that he created with his wife in their art, where everything is made of paint, and things happen appear when you will them to. Their dream home, which he painted when he was alive for his wife, appears across the lake too. And best of all, Katy, their dalmation puppy who got sick and died years ago, comes bounding back at him when he wakes up in a field of painted poseys.

Everybody can choose to take on forms and faces other than their own. In a timeless place like "heaven", there is no rank or stature, nobody's older than the other. In the same line, both his kids who died years ago in a car accident, appeared to him at different intervals with their own revelations.

*Shall stop here or I'll spoil the show for you.*

This is the only movie so far, of all time, that got me sobbing like a child. I had literally soaked my pillow and blanket by the end of the show.

I guess it deals with my biggest fear - losing the people I love. I'm not afraid of death myself, but I'm terrified at the prospect of losing the people that I live for. I know that it's going to happen sooner or later, and I live in fear of when that day comes.

Watch this show if you have HBO signature, people. If not, rent it from your friendly neighbourhood rental shops (assuming they have this work of art), or dang! Buy it from HMV! Get the DVD if they have, this is too good to view in blur.

Thursday, November 12, 2009

People Like Me Don't Run From People Like You

I just heard something that made my day.

TKN just told me that a little bird told her that at the height of our animosity, you read my blog posts fervently, all the time.

The little bird also divulged that it was you who left those nasty, nasty comments and blamed it on her.

So during that period of time when I felt most alone, I was never alone. You were there in spirit with me, devouring my every word with relish (laced with hatred, but still mostly relish). In a sense, you understood more about me than anyone else caught in that situation did. You paid more attention to me in that situation than anyone else did.

How ironic. And creepy.

Wednesday, November 11, 2009

Hamster

Sunday, November 08, 2009

Sucks To Be Me

... for the past few months.

I had a mini meltdown in front of the Lazy last night. Threw my bag on the floor and couldn't stop crying. Couldn't take it anymore.

Everything I do, everything I lay my hands on, turns to shit. Everything around me, associated with me, turns to shit. I thought it was just a rough patch that'd be over in a while, but I was wrong.

So wrong.

I'm blessed to have a wonderful family, but it serves to remind me of what a failure I've become. I've tried to grit my teeth and bear with it in a rational and reasonable way. I've tried to be mature and independant as much as I can.

I'm sick of doing all those and getting shit back.

I don't want to be the adult anymore who helps you to find solutions to problems all you sons of bitches are too lazy to use your brain to solve. I don't want to be the mediator anymore. I don't want to be responsible anymore for things that aren't under my jurisdiction. I don't want to be rational and understanding anymore.

I'm at the point where the tiniest bit of flame you cause inside me is enough ammo for me to slap you, or at least stop talking to you for a long, long time.

Don't tempt me.

Wednesday, November 04, 2009

Supersize This

So Sad...

Learning About Goodbye

Becka held onto Tigger with all her seven-year-old might. She hugged her pet close to her chest and rested her cheek on her cat's head. The old cat mewed quietly and Becka felt another tear streak down her cheek.

She stopped walking. "Daddy, I won't let you do this."

Her father, walking two paces ahead, stopped his slow strides. His shoulders slumped, but his grip on the rifle grew tighter. William sighed and turned to face his daughter. "Becka, Tigger is sick. Very sick. We're helping him."

Becka felt her brother's hand on her shoulder. Billy was ten and didn't care about Tigger. He wasn't crying at all, Becka thought bitterly. But Tigger was his pet too.

"But...but why?" Becka trembled, clutching Tigger tighter. He mewed louder this time, his sound strangled slightly by the girl's arms.

William frowned. "Tigger is dying, angel. We're going to help him die."

Becka sobbed. "I don't want him to die! I love him!"

"He's hurting, Becka," Billy said. "That dog hurt him real bad."

"No. Why can't we take him to the vet? The vet can save him," Becka tried to take a step back, but Billy was still there.

Shaking his head, William knelt next to Becka, "No, he'd just do the same thing we're doing. He's hurt too bad. He's just a barn cat, sweetie. He's not worth the money we'd spend on him."

"He's important to me. He's worth it to me," Becka shook her head.

"Becka," William's voice firmed. "You have to say goodbye. We have to do this."

"No!" Becka shouted. "He's mine!"

"Becka, listen to daddy!" Billy snapped.

Becka's small face contorted with an anger she'd never felt before. She couldn't understand her feelings or what her father wanted to do. Tigger was still breathing. He was nuzzling her face right then and there, purring and trying to comfort her. But Becka could feel the differences in Tigger's body since the big, mean dog had grabbed him. He was bleeding from wounds all over his body. He felt softer. He would cry when she tried to touch him. Why was he hurting?

"What will happen to him when he dies?" Becka asked.

William stood and sighed. "God will send an angel to take him to heaven. He'll be with all the other pets. He won't hurt anymore, Becka."

Becka froze. What was she doing? Could she do this? She lifted up Tigger and gazed into his eyes. One was filled with blood and leaking large tears. The other was still clear and bright. The cat's eyes slowly met Becka's. With the look, Becka asked forgiveness.

She kissed the top of her pet's head and gently handed him to her father. She felt Billy take her hand and turn to lead her away.

They had walked ten paces when they heard the shot.

Then another.

And another.

They both turned to see what was wrong.

It turns out the cat was an alien. It bit off their faces and took off for it's hidden alien craft in the woods.

Fucking alien cats.

Found this gem at http://www.ubersite.com/m/61316


Jazzyme I bite. ---------------- Wishlist Books \| ~~Dan Brown - The Lost Symbol~~ \| Mitch Albom : Have a Little Faith \| Haruki Murakami : Kafka On The Shore \| James Patterson : The Murder of King Tut \| Patricia Cornwell : The Scarpetta Factor \| Tim Burton : The Melancholy Death Of Oyster Boy \| Carl G. Jung : The Undiscovered Self \| Alexandra Horowitz : Inside of a Dog \| Tami Hoag : Guilty as Sin \| Muriel Barbery : The Elegance of the Hedgehog \| Audrey Niffenegger : The Time Traveler's Wife \| Michael Jan Friedman : Seeking Spirits Stuff \| K7 GSXR-750 \| Backpack \| ~~Compaq Presario CQ35-213X~~ \| Pedicure \| Digital Perm \| Panasonic Lumix ZR1 \| D-Link Wireless N USB Adapter \| The Godfather Trilogy DVD \| The complete collection of ALL May Day CDs and singles, including Ashin's singles Places Bali #2 Hong Kong Taipei, Taiwan #4 Hokkaido - Japan Paris - France Venice - Italy Florence – Italy Portofino - Italy Bordeaux - France Barcelona - Spain Holland England Vancouver - Canada Auckland - New Zealand Easter Islands Isle Of Man Scotland Cairo - Egypt Shanghai, Beijing - China Maldives & Mauritius Sau Paulo – Brazil Los Angeles, USA Las Vegas, USA Montana, USA Athens – Greece Seoul – Korea #2 Milan - Italy Rome – Italy Berlin – Germany Perth - Australia Zurich Johannesburg - South Africa Johannesburg Copenhagen - Denmark Aurora lights, Iceland Prague, Czech Republic Oahu – Hawaii Whitechapel - London Korvatunturi - Finland Aztec & Mayan civilisations - Mexico Reads Yang's Memoire The Lazy Baby Chloe Baby Zayden Kenneth Mummy Eileen Jennifer Feathers Ting Anthony Tony Wu Sash Kenny Sia Herbie Innersanctum Archives 10/01/2004 - 11/01/2004 11/01/2004 - 12/01/2004 12/01/2004 - 01/01/2005 01/01/2005 - 02/01/2005 02/01/2005 - 03/01/2005 03/01/2005 - 04/01/2005 04/01/2005 - 05/01/2005 05/01/2005 - 06/01/2005 06/01/2005 - 07/01/2005 07/01/2005 - 08/01/2005 08/01/2005 - 09/01/2005 09/01/2005 - 10/01/2005 10/01/2005 - 11/01/2005 11/01/2005 - 12/01/2005 12/01/2005 - 01/01/2006 01/01/2006 - 02/01/2006 02/01/2006 - 03/01/2006 03/01/2006 - 04/01/2006 04/01/2006 - 05/01/2006 05/01/2006 - 06/01/2006 06/01/2006 - 07/01/2006 07/01/2006 - 08/01/2006 08/01/2006 - 09/01/2006 09/01/2006 - 10/01/2006 10/01/2006 - 11/01/2006 11/01/2006 - 12/01/2006 12/01/2006 - 01/01/2007 01/01/2007 - 02/01/2007 02/01/2007 - 03/01/2007 03/01/2007 - 04/01/2007 04/01/2007 - 05/01/2007 05/01/2007 - 06/01/2007 06/01/2007 - 07/01/2007 07/01/2007 - 08/01/2007 08/01/2007 - 09/01/2007 09/01/2007 - 10/01/2007 10/01/2007 - 11/01/2007 11/01/2007 - 12/01/2007 12/01/2007 - 01/01/2008 01/01/2008 - 02/01/2008 02/01/2008 - 03/01/2008 03/01/2008 - 04/01/2008 04/01/2008 - 05/01/2008 05/01/2008 - 06/01/2008 06/01/2008 - 07/01/2008 07/01/2008 - 08/01/2008 08/01/2008 - 09/01/2008 09/01/2008 - 10/01/2008 10/01/2008 - 11/01/2008 11/01/2008 - 12/01/2008 12/01/2008 - 01/01/2009 01/01/2009 - 02/01/2009 02/01/2009 - 03/01/2009 03/01/2009 - 04/01/2009 04/01/2009 - 05/01/2009 05/01/2009 - 06/01/2009 06/01/2009 - 07/01/2009 07/01/2009 - 08/01/2009 08/01/2009 - 09/01/2009 09/01/2009 - 10/01/2009 10/01/2009 - 11/01/2009 11/01/2009 - 12/01/2009 12/01/2009 - 01/01/2010	Friday, December 18, 2009 All You Sons Of Bitches I repeat - ALL you sons of bitches. Go fuck yourselves. I give, and give, and fucking give. I don't even know how to life for myself anymore, I've been living my life for all you sons of bitches all my life. And all you do is take, and take, and fucking take. If I am dead inside, I wouldn't feel so. I wouldn't have the fiery pit within me envelop my whole being every time I am stepped upon. I am angry. I am more than angry. I am murderous. I feel homicidal everytime you sons of bitches crush me under your feet for the sheer pleasure of it. I feel like holding a slugger in my hands and feeling the crack of your skull as I devour the pleasure it gives. But I don't look so. In the name of reason and normality I take it. I take it up the ass for you sons of bitches. I tolerate whatever shit you throw my way, simply for the fact that you might deserve another chance. Might. Listen up, all you sons of bitches. Listen good. Here's an example of why you shouldn't step on my tail too much. There is only so much I can take. Not that it pleases me to tolerate. I boil over with anger and hurt every time someone steps on me, but for fucking peace's sake, I take it when you get up in my ass. No seriously. Not anymore. I'm not only going to stop being Little Miss Nice, I am going to be downright nasty when you step on my tail. Don't say you've not been warned. 3:39 PM · Wednesday, December 16, 2009 An Excerpt "Having eyes but not seeing beauty; having ears, but not hearing music; having minds, but not perceiving truth; having hearts that are never moved and therefore never set on fire. These are the things to fear, said the headmaster." - Totto-chan, Tetsuko Kuroyanagi 4:23 PM · Holy Shit Holy Shit Holy Shit So I stayed up late one night watching TV after Lazy fell asleep playing with his PS3. At around 4am (yes, there is a 4am) some Korean show came on, about some tutor and some rebellious rich kid who stayed back 2 grades. I don't usually watch Korean or Japanese films (unless its in the horror genre), but I was bored and too lazy to reach for the remote, so I ended up watching the whole show. By the end of the show, I was swooning over the guy. I.. kind of forgot what his name is. But HOLY SHIT is he HOT! What the hell have I been missing?! How many more hunks speaking in different languages are there out there? Hot damn, I want a piece of this! And his face is super cute too. drools 3:07 PM · Monday, November 30, 2009 Recommended Movie Of The Month Since it is my off day today, I spent the day lazing around in bed watching TV. Wasn't feeling well at all too, my head feels like it's about to explode. Anyway, I caught this movie on HBO Signature just now. I rarely give rave reviews for movies in the drama genre, but this one takes the bat. It's somewhere along the line of Johnny Depp's Neverland, with all its sensational artistic glory, but better. Robin William's What Dreams May Come. It's about a pediatric neurologist who, on the night of his "DD" anniversary, got hit by a out-of-control car while stopping to help a car crash victim on his way home. The story revolves his life after death, and how he went to lengths to get his wife back from "hell" after he found out that she committed suicide not long after his death. The show portrays a heaven that he created with his wife in their art, where everything is made of paint, and things happen appear when you will them to. Their dream home, which he painted when he was alive for his wife, appears across the lake too. And best of all, Katy, their dalmation puppy who got sick and died years ago, comes bounding back at him when he wakes up in a field of painted poseys. Everybody can choose to take on forms and faces other than their own. In a timeless place like "heaven", there is no rank or stature, nobody's older than the other. In the same line, both his kids who died years ago in a car accident, appeared to him at different intervals with their own revelations. Shall stop here or I'll spoil the show for you. This is the only movie so far, of all time, that got me sobbing like a child. I had literally soaked my pillow and blanket by the end of the show. I guess it deals with my biggest fear - losing the people I love. I'm not afraid of death myself, but I'm terrified at the prospect of losing the people that I live for. I know that it's going to happen sooner or later, and I live in fear of when that day comes. Watch this show if you have HBO signature, people. If not, rent it from your friendly neighbourhood rental shops (assuming they have this work of art), or dang! Buy it from HMV! Get the DVD if they have, this is too good to view in blur. 7:52 PM · Thursday, November 12, 2009 People Like Me Don't Run From People Like You I just heard something that made my day. TKN just told me that a little bird told her that at the height of our animosity, you read my blog posts fervently, all the time. The little bird also divulged that it was you who left those nasty, nasty comments and blamed it on her. So during that period of time when I felt most alone, I was never alone. You were there in spirit with me, devouring my every word with relish (laced with hatred, but still mostly relish). In a sense, you understood more about me than anyone else caught in that situation did. You paid more attention to me in that situation than anyone else did. How ironic. And creepy. 7:12 PM · Wednesday, November 11, 2009 Hamster 1:06 PM · Sunday, November 08, 2009 Sucks To Be Me ... for the past few months. I had a mini meltdown in front of the Lazy last night. Threw my bag on the floor and couldn't stop crying. Couldn't take it anymore. Everything I do, everything I lay my hands on, turns to shit. Everything around me, associated with me, turns to shit. I thought it was just a rough patch that'd be over in a while, but I was wrong. So wrong. I'm blessed to have a wonderful family, but it serves to remind me of what a failure I've become. I've tried to grit my teeth and bear with it in a rational and reasonable way. I've tried to be mature and independant as much as I can. I'm sick of doing all those and getting shit back. I don't want to be the adult anymore who helps you to find solutions to problems all you sons of bitches are too lazy to use your brain to solve. I don't want to be the mediator anymore. I don't want to be responsible anymore for things that aren't under my jurisdiction. I don't want to be rational and understanding anymore. I'm at the point where the tiniest bit of flame you cause inside me is enough ammo for me to slap you, or at least stop talking to you for a long, long time. Don't tempt me. 2:42 PM · Wednesday, November 04, 2009 Supersize This 7:25 PM · So Sad... Learning About Goodbye Becka held onto Tigger with all her seven-year-old might. She hugged her pet close to her chest and rested her cheek on her cat's head. The old cat mewed quietly and Becka felt another tear streak down her cheek. She stopped walking. "Daddy, I won't let you do this." Her father, walking two paces ahead, stopped his slow strides. His shoulders slumped, but his grip on the rifle grew tighter. William sighed and turned to face his daughter. "Becka, Tigger is sick. Very sick. We're helping him." Becka felt her brother's hand on her shoulder. Billy was ten and didn't care about Tigger. He wasn't crying at all, Becka thought bitterly. But Tigger was his pet too. "But...but why?" Becka trembled, clutching Tigger tighter. He mewed louder this time, his sound strangled slightly by the girl's arms. William frowned. "Tigger is dying, angel. We're going to help him die." Becka sobbed. "I don't want him to die! I love him!" "He's hurting, Becka," Billy said. "That dog hurt him real bad." "No. Why can't we take him to the vet? The vet can save him," Becka tried to take a step back, but Billy was still there. Shaking his head, William knelt next to Becka, "No, he'd just do the same thing we're doing. He's hurt too bad. He's just a barn cat, sweetie. He's not worth the money we'd spend on him." "He's important to me. He's worth it to me," Becka shook her head. "Becka," William's voice firmed. "You have to say goodbye. We have to do this." "No!" Becka shouted. "He's mine!" "Becka, listen to daddy!" Billy snapped. Becka's small face contorted with an anger she'd never felt before. She couldn't understand her feelings or what her father wanted to do. Tigger was still breathing. He was nuzzling her face right then and there, purring and trying to comfort her. But Becka could feel the differences in Tigger's body since the big, mean dog had grabbed him. He was bleeding from wounds all over his body. He felt softer. He would cry when she tried to touch him. Why was he hurting? "What will happen to him when he dies?" Becka asked. William stood and sighed. "God will send an angel to take him to heaven. He'll be with all the other pets. He won't hurt anymore, Becka." Becka froze. What was she doing? Could she do this? She lifted up Tigger and gazed into his eyes. One was filled with blood and leaking large tears. The other was still clear and bright. The cat's eyes slowly met Becka's. With the look, Becka asked forgiveness. She kissed the top of her pet's head and gently handed him to her father. She felt Billy take her hand and turn to lead her away. They had walked ten paces when they heard the shot. Then another. And another. They both turned to see what was wrong. It turns out the cat was an alien. It bit off their faces and took off for it's hidden alien craft in the woods. Fucking alien cats. Found this gem at http://www.ubersite.com/m/61316 3:39 PM ·